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I am hungry for insights from people about handling middle-aged struggles, including existential reckonings, fading relevance, noticing one’s neck resembling a melted timepiece plus a fresh interest for A Place in the Sun. Recently, I discovered his remarks on turning 50 during a chat: “I think if you’re going to have a good go at the second half of your life, you have to edit away all the noise,” he said. “Surround yourself with uplifting friends. I’m dodging pessimists – ‘fun sponges’ – and improving at refusing requests.”

My first thought was: isn’t this contradictory about evading pessimists and honing one’s rejection skills? Might that suggest he must escape his own nature? I get it – such remarks define us negative types, and yes, I’m one of them. However, among our group, we favor the term “energy drainer”. Refrain from using “downer” or “spoil-sport” – these comparisons to everyday gear are insulting; we possess sentiments (though often pessimistic). I’ll accept “downbeat cashmere throw”, at a pinch.

It’s possible you’re also a member. Are you less the life and soul of the party and more its accountant or undertaker? When you give an exhaustive answer to “How are you?”, does the other person slowly retreat? Do you greet “fun” activity suggestions with an expression that makes you look like you’ve swallowed a slug? Do you see yourself in gloomy figures; has a spiritual reader mentioned your vibe is murky?

If this describes you, you’re in our ranks, and that’s acceptable. Despite a whole self-help-inspired trend urging people to get rid of friends who “drain” them, I’d argue we offer real value. I imagine a negative type would have voiced caution – or pulled a disapproving expression – when Jamie mentioned his children’s book idea featuring an Indigenous protagonist without proper consultation, potentially averting numerous issues, hurt, and anger. That level of honest feedback is rare among “upbeat” individuals.