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This year represents a full decade since the term “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more bewildering – an commonly fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Zoomers, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a extensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most viral memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – For gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie affluence, it describes partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Behavioral habits suggesting a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (few things fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {